Essence of Brett

Rome Flashback

I’m at the Roman Coliseum and I’m listening to the gladiator soundtrack. I’m wearing my BYU hat to protect my face from the hot Roman sun.

I take a look around and notice a group of cute girls. They’re clearly American.

I return my attention to the arena, but soon one of the girls is tapping me on the shoulder.

“Do you go to BYU?” she asks me, but she has to repeat herself after I remove my earbuds.

“Yeah. Well, I just graduated. How about yourselves?”

“We go to BYU, but we’re doing a study abroad in London,” she replies peppily.

My brain fails to compute why someone studying in London would be in Rome on a weekday. “In London? What brings you to Rome?”

The peppiness continues. “Oh, we decided to use one of our travel days to visit.”

“Travel days? Study abroad can be such a struggle sometimes…”

At this point they simply say, “Okay, bye,” and walk away.

I think sometimes I come off a little strong.

That night, I make my way back to the hostel in the dark. There are a number of people in the dorm room when I get there, so I introduce myself and strike up a conversation.

One of the girls looks at me strangely and asks, “Were you at the coliseum today? I remember your shirt and the tripod.”

“Uh… Yes, I was.”

I might look like a shameless tourist, but at least I’m a memorable one.

Vienna Flashback

While in Vienna, I decided that seeing an opera in the world famous opera house would be my number one priority.

Each night there is a performance and each night tourists line up outside of a side door of the opera house in a fight for the €4 standing tickets.

So along with the rest of the tourists and even quite a few locals, I hopped in line. Soon after, an employee of the opera house came down the line, turned to me, and said sternly, “No shorts!”

Being quite used to these policies, I was ready for it and pulled my zip-off pant legs out of my bag, removed my shoes, and began zipping on the pants legs. Mind you, I was doing this in the midst of suits and ball gowns in a Habsburg opera house.

When the woman saw my behavior, she marched down the line toward me and shouted in broken English, “Not good idea!” You would have thought I was changing my pants in the opera house by how distraught she was.

All I could do was shrug and say, “Sorry…” She moved back to the front of the line, shaking her head at me. I’ll admit that I was slightly ashamed of myself, but I wasn’t about to lose my place in line.

Soon I was in pants and put away all my tourist-abilia. As I approached the front of the line, I had another encounter with the employee. This time, however, she smiled, nodded, gave me a thumbs up and said something in German.

Apparently we had a misunderstanding initially. I think she really did think I was changing my pants in the corridor.

But in the end, we understood each other and I got one of the last good tickets.

Turkish Baths

This one time I was going to post that Halls commercial with the Turkish sauna and the man who shouts, “Breathe my friend!” since I spent the day at the Turkish baths and saunas in Hungary.

But then I couldn’t find it on YouTube.

Ugh…

This morning I woke up at 5 o’clock in order to make a train that didn’t require a reservation (free with my train pass).

The train would arrive in La Spezia at 9:30am and per the hostel’s information, I would hop on a bus that would take me to the hostel at 10am. The plan was flawless.

That is, until I realized the hostel gave me false information.

So now I sit and wait four hours for my bus in a rainy little village, looking like a hobo.

Second time in four days.

Ain’t traveling grand?

At least I somehow connected to some wireless…

Addendum:
The bus finally came and drove right by me despite my standing in the street and making eye contact. Another guy missed it too, so we paid $30 for a taxi.

We walked up to the hostel and they refused to let us in despite the fact that it was raining and there was no where from which to escape the rain.

An hour and a half later, I’m in.

Did I mention that I don’t have any food and everything is closed?

Self, good day.

German Brett

After an incredible couple of days in the Alps, I just rolled into my hostel in Interlaken.

At the reception desk, I fill out the reservation card and hand it to the girl behind the counter.

She makes a surprised expression and asks me, “What is your name?”

“Brett,” I respond.

Suddenly the girl bursts into fits of laughter. “Do you know what your name means in German? It means a wood thing, you know?”

I kind of laugh, but ask her to explain more.

“Okay, never mind.”

After a bit of prodding, she gets on her computer to look up the English translation.

“It means a board or plank of wood.” She continues laughing and now I’m laughing at how hilarious she thinks it is, but eventually gains her composure.

She then begins explaining the Internet connection and the laundry, but when she gets to breakfast she begins laughing again.

At this point she asks me what my favorite chocolate is.

“Black,” I respond because that’s the Swiss German way of saying dark.

She goes over to the candy counter, grabs a dark chocolate Toblerone, and hands it to me.

“This is for you because I laughed so much at your name.”

I’ll take it!

Reasons Why London Might Not Be Your Cup of Tea

You dislike people who wear sweats in public. No explanation needed.

You’re hard of hearing. Any hearing impairment will transform a British accent into unintelligible speech.

You enjoy feeling the sun on your skin. Last time I saw the sun, I was on a plane above the clouds.

You get lost easily. This place is a maze. May the odds be ever in your favor.

You’re not a fan of public transportation. London is bigger than little tourist maps let on and a minimum of three giant, double-decker buses can be seen from any point in London at any point in time. At least you’ll get plenty of exercise.

You are a man who appreciates his privacy. Urinal partitions here are like Santa and his elves. *spoiler* They don’t exist.

You don’t like spending money. To get a good estimate of your expenses, add up everything you can think of. Then add $50. Then multiply it by 2. Seriously.

Oyster Cards

So the London transit system is quite good. Unfortunately, it’s also quite expensive.

In order to avoid the high rates you can get a prepaid Oyster card, which will halve your travel expenses.

The problem with the Oyster card is that you never quite know how much money you have left on it and you can only put money on it at special kiosks.

Yesterday, I boarded a bus for Westminster Abby. As I placed the card on the scanner I awaited the familiar ding followed by a green light. Instead, the dreaded red light lit up. The bus driver simply shook his head at me.

Rejected and without a proper kiosk, I walked the rest of the way to Westminster. I arrived a few minutes before they closed admissions.

Lucky.

Also, if you’re ever in London, just know that you don’t just wave the Oyster card over the scanner. You have to hold it there for about a second. So when you’re in London leave it on the scanner until the green light lights up and avoid looking like an idiot… or me…